*euphoria* *complete terror* (loop and repeat) My Australian cousin texted me today And I got to say "my girlfriend" to a family member And my heart is happy And I want to cry for about ten hours but I have a class Plus attendance sheets Plus need to look up travel insurance company Plus work excuse emails I haven't told Maru or Beebo about the Germany trip I don't know They're struggling right now and it feels like it would be rude, they'd be supportive but it would be hard on them The blue passport is a huge privilege You know what else makes me love her? She saw the panic in my eyes and it made her determined She asked me to list all the worst scenarios so she could help me fight them But I couldn't think of anything cause she pre empted it all She downloaded an AI chat bot on my phone and asked it everything I would need to do And aaaand She anticipated the tiny things The things nobody gets A list of stuff to pack Like before my head could panic she offered the list I'm tearing up just thinking about it I still half think I created her in my head and this is late onset schizophrenia but I know I wouldn't be able to come up with somebody so beautiful I already have a montage in my head of happy moments I had to do mental gymnastics to scrounge those up in my last relationships The montage: And other things I can't share :) I want to put the world on pause for a bit I miss her all the time But I suppose it's good we're both busy and our heads don't have time to panic It's going to be odd working in Germany (especially waking up for my 7:30 classes, yeesh) Hm have to figure out how not to wake her up I should practice some German too EEEEEEEEEE! Kissing a girl in public! Kissing MY GIRL in public! My heart hurts |