Love love looove I'm convinced "Dance with me" by Oshima Brothers is about me and the bunny Today feels a bit ominous (Except the talking to her bits) I had an early class, it was supposed to rain Heat wave is gone My class of four turned into a class of one His internet sucked for the first half and mine sucked for the second It never rained, the sun came out for ten minutes and hid behind angry clouds again My student in my second class had a meeting and sent over his secretary who made a brave effort to explain the situation in English I didn't understand I was supposed to turn my class into a lecture for her to take notes so we rescheduled and it was a whole thing (he's a VIP client he can reschedule a class whenever he wants) And theeeen the electricity went out I have another class at five Baba said I could just teach with my mobile data ...in the dark I guess? By torchlight :) And not on my main laptop with the dead battery, on the backup laptop with a dying battery-- woohoo Hopefully it comes back and stays back I told my manager about the Germany trip (I fibbed so they wouldn't say nooo) They didn't say noooo Exciting! My low self esteem is saying that things are going wrong because I'm happy and I'm planning something that makes me happy And this somehow balances it out It's back! I was thinking about how cute my bunny is and the electricity came back I'm not running with the magical thinking I'm sprinting :D I've thought about it and when I look back I won't say "it's a good thing I stayed in Cairo and bought the USB port and the hard drive" I haven't travelled abroad since the 2019 trip of horrors My only trip alone And I believe this will be healing (Bao said it would be healing with the cutest most confident grin) Plus I want to be around her all the time She's smart and yummy And when she twists her tiny brown curls around her finger my heart gets gooey and weird I'm terrified of course but this is a no brainer I need to try I'm scared about Baba, about everyone, about jinxing it I'm scared about travelling too soon in the relationship We did everything too soon in the relationship But it was easy and it feels right Like, I feel panicked but I don't feel stressed I don't feel tummy butterflies or see any red flags I feel comfy and understood And I respect her -- admire her On a human to human level, I knew from our first conversation that if we wouldn't be something more we would definitely be close friends She's just... everything Also great bum and legs and tiny elbows and shoulders And huge eyelashes and ocean eyes that turn blue and green Rosy cheeks, tiny nose, pink lips I know I'm being gross but I have nobody I can be gross to Okay okay Practical reasons: It's a good opportunity to see life in Germany What being a teacher there might look like This is a very unexpected twist away from sea granny life Maybe I'll be like K in Sweden, go to Alex in the summers with my mystery girlfriend "And they were roommates and the best of friends" 😁 I really hope I've had enough therapy not to fuck this up |