I jinxed myself and I'LL DO IT AGAIN It's okay, it wasn't the worst I cried a bit but I figured it out Hot water bottle, Cinnamon tea ginger tea chamomile tea (out of fenugreek, didn't mind so much it makes me gag) The happy womb yoga poses I was too tired so I just had fuul for dinner-- mushy fava beans with cumin and lemon and oil Teeny bit of chili I know I'm not suppoooosed to but for some reason burning my mouth makes me feel better In Korea they eat spicy food when they're stressed I want to practice my Korean again, I don't remember why I stopped Maru poked a bit but I'm still too I don't know It's probably Kojak and his mama I haven't talked to him It's too heavy and he keeps wanting to wax religion and he knows we're very different He's queer too He thinks he's sick I just make penis jokes I'm still processing my mama. I want to be there for him but it's so hard, this part. I hated this part. The waiting. The hospital. Not sleeping. I called him on the bathroom floor when she died and he comforted me while I ugly cried He didn't make any platitudes or pray. I expected him to pray. He just kept saying oh Sarah ya habibty, ya alby my beloved, my heart He showed he was hurt that I was hurt And he stayed on the phone with me I'm very grateful He didn't know when mama was dying though Nobody did really Only my boss knew, he wrote me very good references for years I think I could still ask him for one I think he felt guilty for piling classes on me when she was sick Anyway, Kojak... I think it's harder to be a bi Arab guy than a bi Arab woman More pressure to pass I think, more violent reactions Women just get gaslit, mostly. Poor dear she's confused by the ghastly penises Unless you're very vocal, you can mostly get away with it Kojak looks like Mr. Clean with a gingery beard but he's scared He should be scared Maru got stabbed in the gut once Men are horrible The idea of men Maru likes cats and star wars and is basically a Disney adult Who stabs someone like Maru? Someone who punches puppies in the face and dropkicks babies When Kojak gets married and moves to Canada then maybe he can be less scared I hope so, I love him He's a good dude I'm hurt that he's hurting but I can't show it It's hard (I'm also kind of terrified. If she passes and he's crying and horny, I won't be able to say no and I really really really need to say no.) (Maybe I can. I did before with Sunrise, she slept in my bed cuddling me and I stared at the ceiling willing myself to think unsexy thoughts.) Poor baby Kojak |