i found sarah and she lost it all i'm looking at the title of this diary and it makes me so angry. i was lost for so long and my friends were there through it all, and i thought that i had been there for them too but now that i'm finally beginning to believe that i found myself in art in film in poetry in music in a spirituality that i can connect to without an 'authority figure' in new people that are just mine i have become the traitor so i dont have the boyfriend but i do have friends that aren't part of the group why is the first scenario justifiable why is the second betrayal and why didn't you say anything in the beginning? i wasn't there? i didnt sms and call and e-mail? i missed your calls and i didnt come online. well excuse me for going through a tough time when you're going through bliss excuse me for going out when we've NEVER been outside of university together ONCE and excuse me, do excuse me-- i was tired. but i guess being 'tired' is only excusable for people with penises when was this golden time huh? when i was perfect? i was ALWAYS flaky. that used to be okay. but i guess its only okay when i'm unhappy. if i'm flaky but going out with someone you 'can't stand' -- is that what you said su? then i must've forgotten that you were there when i slit my wrists. how ungrateful... well you know what, maybe one day just for you i'll slit them up for you again and you can be my saviour because God knows i've never done anything good for you, i've never helped you out of a bind and i'm coming to you and talking to you because i'm crawling back...out of GUILT?
yeah. its a really bad thing that i've done. unexcusable really. i made a friend. you gave up on me noni? well you know what happens when you give up.
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