Day 3 Icarus When I talk to someone it goes away but it builds up again after a few minutes It hurts It's hard to eat, food gets stuck in my throat Tomorrow is the psychiatry session I don't know what to do I think talking about issues is too hard, I don't know if they're homophobic (probably not but still) I think I'll just talk about the physical feelings, the panic Explain that I isolated Then wandered outside, maybe early/middle last year Flew too close to the sun Got hurt by someone sheltered, inexperienced with their own unaddressed issues And all the pain surfaced Was released? Lost my ability to go outside, square one And now Baba might have skin cancer again Which makes me mask around him so he doesn't feel scared He puts on a smiley face because he knows I've been anxious It makes me so sad It's like I finally got the affectionate Baba I was looking for and it's because he might be sick And then it will be like my mother all over again I don't think I can take it I was going to figure out somewhere to stay, someone to stay with It hurts |