bad puppet pattern recognition is a blessing and a curse there's one that's very easy for me to spot lovebombing, then gaslighting/devaluing/negging/kino escalation etc, then isolation, then the smear campaign/recruiting flying minions I used to think I was a trap I'm the result of survival instincts that evolved over generations, honed by experience and my spongey brain everything about me is designed to be disarming my small voice my slow blinks how easily I turn everything into a self deprecating joke I was made to avoid narcissistic abuse by not registering as a threat eventually I even learned how to destabilise the predators so I would when I caught myself, I used to say I'm distracting them from somebody who's actually vulnerable and I suppose that's true to some extent but I don't think my intentions were so noble I was drawn to them too and I wasn't as impenetrable as I thought I hurt myself in the process I was angry I'm still angry at some point I understood that it was all a waste of time their mirrors break anyway, time makes sure of that the disgust gets permanently etched into their faces especially their brows they run out of access to supply, older people know better and younger people don't acknowledge them they betray and out themselves to their minions I've watched it happen zombies, the living dead unable to cope with the loss of the life they were so sure they were entitled to I understood that nothing I ever do will be as effective as what they do to themselves my subconscious games of catch and release were ultimately for me men never figure it out but women usually do Roo broke out in hives trying to puppeteer me |