46 release I cried a lot after that last entry It felt good But now my chest feels a bit gooey I don't think I've securely closed the floodgates yet K wants to chat at the beach cafe Maybe that will be grounding I contemplated calling my therapist Last time I spoke to her I was 9 and mama was a scary shadow I'm skipping ahead I didn't call I saw her talking about Jordan Peterson in an interview I know a lot gets lost in translation But I cringed I made extra spicy noodles and tried to sweat out the panic Cat in law said she and cousin Aly are arriving after tomorrow I said great! (I don't feel it's great) And then I had coffee Coffee as self harm is progress I think? It's fine it's fine it's fine Maru's coming up to the coast soon but I don't know if we can escape to the city this time I want to throw up Polish instant coffee manufactured in Alexandria There are too many sea grannies And 10 year old boys I can swim now, that's one escape route Go jogging, avoid the boardwalk Projectile vomit in everyone's faces I'll paint my face and go walking |