Evening 39 I typed up a whole other entry but got distracted by an article saying Morgan Stanley predicts they're devaluing the pound again next month or October I was writing about how I read the Spider How the verses about Sodom and Lut aren't explicitly homophobic and now I kind of get queer Muslims And there's a verse saying disobey your parents if they're assholes They don't teach that one so much Don't hear it on Fridays (that's our...sermon? day) Am I turning into a mystic hermit? I had a fantasy about living in a cave in the desert when I was in college Probably because we had field trips visiting the oldest monasteries (in the world) in Sinai We went to St. Anthony's which was big and sort of, monks in sporty sunglasses doing tours (they looked very cute and funny) And St. Paul's which was your genuine gaunt, slightly elsewhere monk sitting in an underground cave explaining paintings And the medieval literature class too I kept doodling this hermit character Undiagnosed autism in a sensory overload hell like Cairo Of course I wanted to be in a cave I still want the cave But I want cave WiFi and low maintenance cave plants My period's being weird I'm being bad, no not bad Sarah I'm being hormonal and self soothing with sugar and salt I'm really tempted to have a coffee too K would say the devil's trying to get me With ice cream and chips? Does he drive a white van? Probably. I'll have ... black tea Still caffeine but less caffeine I'm taking the candy but also yelling "stranger danger" and kicking the devil in the nuts I thought about Ozzy today too The usual reel that plays in my head It used to make me feel warm and fuzzy But today it made me so sad and I cried while making my noodles If you know somebody who cries silently without moving, they've probably been through something fucked up My somatic healing coach lady taught me how to make sounds and move my shoulders and face when I cry (it was hard because I kept laughing everytime she suggested a whine) I don't know what to make of all this spooky Ozzy shit It's not new I felt it when his dad died And he gets Sarah "hauntings" too The creepy dream thing If he wasn't an extremely difficult person to keep in my life And if either one of us was just a little bit more romantic I don't know. But I'll always worry about him |