Technically 8 on the North Coast A beautiful olive skinned man lifted Colossus above his head like it was paper and my knees went a bit wobbly And he laughed and said it wasn't heavy at all in an Alexandrian accent while making direct flirty eye contact with my eyeballs And I said of course it is and snorted and died inside and ran away Because I'm elegant. There's no WiFi Why would there be?! AHAHAHAHAHA Thankfully I was mentally prepared to accept the madness We're going to fix it in a couple of days, in the meantime I'm making do with mobile data Cousin and Belarusian cousin-in-law showed up at midnight She asked me if I could play the guitar for her And then she asked me if I knew Kyurt Cobayeen And I screamed a mulatto, an albino, a mosquito, my libido on the balcony And they bopped happily Baba was not amused My cousin said I should record myself and cousin-in-law said I should be in a band 'Once, a long time ago' Then I dramatically stared into the distance And then they hit me and said stop pretending to be old I'm really excited to sleep Baba and I arrived at 2-ish. The road trip wasn't bad. I did have to stick my head out the window like a dog while baba chain-smoked but we made good time. After the beautiful man carried Colossus up to our apartment, I unpacked, set up my work station, cleaned furiously (Belarusian cousin in law must not know that we're slobs), and showered. I finished all of that by 4. Then just as I was about to nap away the residual panic of the day, I realized I lost my copy of the key. Baba, sanguine and full of peace, was convinced someone had stolen it to murder us. "You realize I have to change the locks now? I don't know if there's a locksmith near the village. We're going to be stabbed and robbed. Where did you last see it? Well why isn't it there? We're going to die. DIE." 5 hours. The 10-year-old baby of the family -"Geddo (grandpa), unless you have your address written on the key and somebody followed her up three flights of stairs you probably aren't going to be murdered" "SHUSH AND LOOK UNDER THE COUCH" I checked in the car because he sent me down to get his coffee beans that he forgot. Checked in Aunt Z's apartment because he was there when I handed him the coffee beans. I went up and down three flights of stairs at least 7 times. I am not working out. I got desperate and looked under the car, in the trash and on the steps. I emptied out Colossus Just as I was about to cry I saw something shiny under my backpack and screamed Baba hugged me and yelled Alhamdulilah (thank you lord) with his hands up to the sky Baba never hugs me But I'm the dramatic one for singing Nirvana in front of the neighbors I pass out now I have to write about serial killers tomorrow :') |