Okay what the actual fuck I've just been sitting here I rarely speak to anybody All of a sudden friends and lovers are reaching out, people I'd pretty much designated as ghosts in my life I was in the middle of reading 'non violent communication' when a friend I hadn't spoken to in years sent me an apology I'm so grateful, and slightly confused (It's an amazing book, I highly recommend it) When I started this self work, I was in 'fake it till you make it' mode I rationalised everything (like when my head splits in 3 when I'm scared) Yes I'm manifesting and visualising all this love -- but it's just to have a kinder outlook, increase focus, trick myself with self fulfilling prophecy I didn't think anything very unexpected would ever materialise from it Anything I can't explain That third road that minimises and presents itself as rational is at a loss I do feel a change I do feel the bitterness melting into tears of longing I feel the anger moving targets Not at people anymore, not at myself but at systems Anger effervescing into energy And I can cry hard With noise and snot I'm giving in I want to love and be loved Maybe they heard me? That's what I want to believe |