Can't sleep, body and breathing practice If you're like me--this is a song you probably heard but didn't know the title: je te laisserai des mots The home videos and going through this diary Time travel outside my head Trauma and marginalised identity= time travel Stuck in moments Old when you're young Learning to be a baby when you're old Oo and when it's generational Womb kaleidoscope I don't really get very high Schizophrenia in the family, so I've been scared to try things But when I did one time I saw a womb kaleidoscope Pounding my body in giant waves -- Somebody liked my anxiety guide list thing I have another one, it's old, I used to use it when I was sore But then I saw someone suggest it for anxiety and it did feel nice Squish toes up very tense, breathe in and out Bring it up to ankles, breathe Calves, breathe, then knees...thighs All the way up to your head But slowly, deliberately and don't forget to breathe Hold for as long as you like When you release, go slowly as well, always breathing You can go from head to toes or toes to head Sometimes I don't have patience for the slow way and I curl up in a ball and tense everything all at once and release in a big splat That can feel good too, but try not to hold your breath It might not feel safe for everybody, don't push If tensing is difficult You can try just putting your hands on your shoulders, not squishy self massage style Just gently placing them, patting or stroking down your arm or legs I like to put them on my chest one on top of the other and sometimes little pats I do small leans and twists veeery slowly It's a chat Your spine, your bones, your muscle fibers, your skin and nerve endings Maybe this turn feels tight, maybe leaning forward feels good How far forward? Maybe this angle hurts and this angle is a sweet spot Sometimes just bringing awareness to a sensation can change it, that was very trippy to experience To be clear, I don't mean mystical jedi reiki that erases pain and knots It can be very subtle, a tightness gets tingly, or the area of pain shifts, ooor the nature of it-- like an ache becomes a throbbing or vice versa Focus on an area and breathe into it, explore how that feels In the beginning it was hard for me to feel anything at all It used to sound like nonsense Eventually I pretended I was an alien in a human suit trying to figure out the controls, that helped me get curious Some people can feel their organs I'm not at liver chat level :) But these practices gave me a little bit of space, especially when I'm in pain A little space, a little time If you have chronic pain, I'm not saying somatic therapy and controlling your breath and hypnosis will replace drugs And fuck any woowoo asshole who makes you feel you're not trying enough I really hated that It sucks, it's real and it sucks Maybe the breathing and movement practices can help--but you are not less than if they don't or you can't It's okay Sometimes the pain is the alien in your human suit and that's okay |