spiralling have you ever felt like it takes all that you have to open your eyes and just keep them open and even though i'm fighting im trying so hard i'm really trying i know what it looks like outside in another inverted spectrum argument-- i thought i was being novel but apparently there are a whole set of them i was informed. nothing is novel anymore. it's tragic to be magical why is it that mediocre minds are always accompanied by enormous muscles, immense wealth and fabulous looks? i know that it looks like i'm giving up again its always that way because i'm so tired because i cant say it like i mean it but i never really meant it, its just not as fun when you're a BAD liar everyone wants a GOOD liar do you know what it takes to be a good liar? to lie is not simply to present something false as the truth to others it is to believe it is to genuflect at the altar of deception and cry out 'VERITAS' to give yourself wholly i don't believe in the system. the system never gave me a choice, it gave me the illusion of options the only truth, the only thing i can really control is to refuse self-destruction or to allow it but they don't understand that i'm not the only one who gets stronger and weaker it is not a constant pressure this anomie of the people and enemy of my person, this will to be unwilling, this sense of self-loving self-pity it grows and it forgets but recently it's remembered its duties i must be on the brink of personal success for it to hit so hard sometimes circumstances work in its favor dont trust my face. dont ever trust my face. my smiles are like clothes at first i wear them because i choose to but soon enough i'm as disposable as my outfit and i'm the one living up to the tugs at the corner of my mouth sometimes, like this time, nothing seems heavier than those corners oh it happens to everyone- everyone- it happens to everyone like that's supposed to be comforting everyone has their poison everyone has their voices everyone is at one point or another as fucked up as i am as i will be i wonder sometimes if i'm frightening and that's all if that's the key to why they find me so fascinating WHY DO YOU WANT ME IF YOU DONT WANT ME i was late for rehearsals my characters are high-- casual-- high comic relief in a sad and cynical way dont leave me God. |