she solved it! nora, a modern-day holmes of the mind, or today's jung, has figured it out
so here's what happened-- i went crazy, i had a breakdown, i got therapy and gained those precious life-coping tools with which i proceeded to hack the drama (no pun intended) out of my life. and it went well for a while progressively less stress became more successful and self-assured
i got too good at it i stood up and there was no more gravity nothing to weigh me down no double life to hide no 'friends' to be fake around no chauvinistic men trying to make me believe it was my fault i didn't like that they were planning my life for me and i couldn't make heads or tails of it everyone had some sort of problem to obsess over-- some story to tell and i had zip something had to be wrong. ... what was wrong was i was STUPID and in need of a beating that was when noni gave me a virtual bitch slap-- MSN convo: Nora says: Nora says: Nora says: Nora says: Sarah says: Sarah says: Nora says: Sarah says: Sarah says: Nora says: Nora says: Nora says: Sarah says: Nora says: Sarah says: Sarah says: Nora says: Nora says: Sarah says: Sarah says: Sarah says: Sarah says: Sarah says: Nora says: Nora says: Sarah says: Sarah says: Sarah says: Nora says: Sarah says: Sarah says: noni laughed and said it was actually endearing, but she's biased. i'm sticking firmly to my belief that it is in fact gross to create problems because i cant understand comfort. i tried to get myself fired today. sent an e-mail saying i'd had it and i wasn't doing the article --the editor EXTENDED THE DEADLINE-- i dont even know HOW to create problems for myself so tomorrow i'm chugging down espressos i'm finishing the God damned piece, i'm going to appear high and gesture convincingly for the God damned play and i'm going to attend my God damned classes like i want to be there i'm going to accept that i have nothing to worry about right now and that it is a GOOD THING and while others may appear fascinating in the throes of their own personal tragedies--it is only so because i'm on the outside and i'm going to stop being worried just because it's what i'm used to if i worry over having nothing to worry about i can just kiss goodbye everything i've ever wanted also, i've discovered there's always a coldplay or aerosmith song to describe my life perfectly at any given moment this time it was coldplay: When I counted up my demons So if you ever feel neglected When you thought that it was over 'Cos if you ever feel neglected |