i promise i'll get over it eventually, really, i know i'm sick of it too the funny thing is-- it hurts more to read the letters i sent him than to read the letters i received. maybe i couldn't love him as intensely as i loved axel once but i sure as hell felt a lot more for him than he ever felt for me-- i wonder now if he's even capable of feeling that strongly-- in general, for anyone ... i know this sounds narcissistic, but my letters are god damn amazing i guess he would've appreciated goofier things we were so wrong for each other, completely different tastes, completely different lifestyles no not even that i mean--the transformers movie for gods sake-- i couldn't even begin to convince myself i was interested, and i tried so hard :) it makes me laugh now that it's come out i wonder what kind of sad weeping mess of a person i would've been had we stayed together how would that emotionally crippled self loathing girl look sitting beside him in that movie theatre? i wonder which female friend would've accompanied us, i wonder if i would've been invited at all so maybe i said things i didn't mean but i wanted to mean them |