First half hour of 41 Ozzy disappeared I knew he would But K was right, I would've wondered if I didn't ask There's this little boy with cheeks and curly brown roots under wavy blond hair Who'd get so excited to play piano or bass or accordion for me on the phone He'd play for ages and I'd draw and listen He said, "You really listen, I love that" I really did! That bit felt like teeth sinking into cheesecake What if there, you went up instead of down Sometimes we babbled He'd ask me what it means when someone says this or does that And I'd give my theories He liked teaching me too, specialist subject --Cairene men He's gone now Some combination of 2011, his dad, the ex taking their child And me I contributed too Just before covid, I tip toed around beer cans And his disgusting friends It was too much for me He was so angry He just got more and more angry And I didn't, which threw him off I think it was painful for him I think it's painful for him that I existed 16 years ago And I ran away 3 years ago It's painful for him that I'm here now I think I make him feel naked and useless I think I make him feel And I think he hates that I'm so sad for him He hates that more I think he'd rather I were angry But I'm just heartbroken and always worried I'm trying to let the sun sink into my skin And I'm trying to breathe the sea air into my belly Trying to listen to the water Trying to tickle my nose with flowers -- jasmine at night I'm trying to drink fenugreek tea And I'm trying not to brace for pain I'm angry too but I'm not going to perform it for him I promised I wasn't going to make anyone comfortable anymore All of that's for me |