28 Mama always hated the coast My cousin, married to the Belarusian cat His baba broke a chair over my aunt on that balcony They're both gone now Cousin isn't violent I told cat in law if he ever is I'll kill him She said she'd kill him first Baba kept speaking in Tagalog to cat in law Why are you doing that? He was enamored The cooking and the sudden socialising Performance He tried to treat me like Sarah the ogre but cat in law liked me And kept knocking on my door And confiding in me So he quit for a bit Then they left And my period came and I was stuck in bed This allowed him to announce every time he was cooking for himself (not for me) like he was doing me a favor When I made the 3 course chicken meal He said, "You see, we're okay on our own" I'm okay on my own More than okay I survived in an Egyptian shanty town and washed my clothes by hand and showered out of a barrel I survived in jail, it was only for 3 days but-- I didn't cry and I got my own lawyers (7, they were excited an American was arrested in Cairo). Baba's lawyer was an idiot. Well, maybe mine were too--they thought they could sacrifice me to the press but I got rid of my phone and disappeared. I survived a foreign city for 2 months with 50 dollars in my pocket and I slept in a shelter a couple of days but I did a lot too-- I went to a sex party that was mostly rich, white people and they talked about feelings (somewhat excessively) but seemed very, very sad. I picked a nerdy guy in the corner- He was naked except for his thick black framed glasses and a sticker on his chest with 'Hi, I'm R, I'm shy' Hi R, I'm new and not from around here and I'm panicking a little 'You weren't at orientation' There was an orientation? (My friend, the predator, made sure we skipped it) 'They're not supposed to do that--how odd, they should know better' (Yeah, no shit) R held my hand and gave me a sex party tour 'Do you want to...?' When in Rome-- it was a short trip Then we met his wife, who was not shy And we watched her and her friend take a much longer trip I stared at the ceiling and played with my hair and prayed for a ref to walk in and blow a whistle or something Eventually I met and stayed with Bridget and we talked about trauma and hiked a lot. She made me sage my room, I guess my trauma is contagious. I swished the sage around, "don't be saaaad, house, err.. positive vibes oooonly?!" I went to a native American sweat lodge and jumped in a very cold creek, I went to a Victorian house that was turned into a museum and the granny who beckoned me inside said Egyptologist Zahi Hawass was "dishy" (didn't have the heart to tell her he's a corrupt ego maniac) I was offered a job at an Arab pizza place, the Palestinian owner was appalled I was a university graduate and asked me why I trusted predator friend Because sometimes I'm stupid uncle stranger Then the trans film festival, then an after party at some rich lady's house modeled off of something from Star Trek, people in their 50s and 60s -- host was in her 60s I felt like an exotic pet, good booze, made out with host lady Oh then "Friendsgiving" (I doubt a native American suggested that) With the hipsters, vegan food, VERY strong weed I sang and played my campfire chords I met M, little pink M -- they were so cute, and intelligent People were very kind and interesting but also a bit ignorant M was a smart alien with a Japanese toilet and giant printers for protest stickers So cuddly and sweet They asked me to come to Berlin when I was in Cairo I probably could've survived Berlin too But I was tired California wasn't for me, at least San Franisco wasn't I didn't understand the superficial friendliness and there were too many new social codes to learn And I saw somebody get shot People reacted for around 15 minutes and then went about their business I was stuck at a bus stop for a few hours waiting for my legs to work I realised I don't belong anywhere and I never will Maybe I thought I could come back and fight Maybe I thought it was just a pit stop and then covid ruined everything I'm too tired for grand schemes I'll go down to the sea, get a front row umbrella |