15 The sea breeze is so yummy My eyelids are sleepy dancing and I'm melting into a plastic chair It smells so salty and so good I fell asleep reading the cave prayer yesterday My 7th century Arabic is not the best and I used some other sources and translations This is the Sarah brain fart translation, forgive me if you care about this kind of thing, I really dont mean to be blasphemous I'm just farty in the head-- Anyway it starts out saying don't listen to anybody who says God has babies, they are very confused and so were their dads and it's a bunch of lies, LIES Then swiftly transititions into a story about how God protected these persecuted Christian?!?! youths who were running away from Romans outside Ephesus They had a dog, I like that the dog was emphasised And there was this bit where God says something like-- Some people will say it was 4 youths and their dog was their 5th or 8 youths and their dog was their 9th-- VERILY DONT NOBODY KNOW WHAT THEYRE TALKING ABOUT It made me laugh Anyway the SEVEN youths hid in a caaaave (the tiiitle) and they slept And the cave was some kind of wormhole or something because they lived for THREE HUNDRED YEARS (or 309 lunar calendar, I like that there were solar and lunar calendar configurations for the nerds 😄) (There was also something about the sun and nerds could deduce the cave mouth was facing north, so they didn't get sunburned? I didn't get that bit, I thought maybe it was about wormhole physics and like ooOOooo think about all the super fast sun circles like in HG Wells, I was wrong or maybe thats just a me and God thing) And then God goes, if you would've seen them you would have FREAKED out (this is an actual verse, not Sarah fart, God says they looked really creepy 😂) He kept their eyeballs open and he kept flipping them around to avoid bed sores (cute) and the dog kept stretching his paws out by the cave mouth too (more cute) And then they woke up and asked each other how long they slept And one of them goes, I don't know maybe a day or something And the religious one goes NO only God knows the answer, so one of us should go shopping?!?! But be careful lest the Romans catch us etc, here are some 300 year old coins So one goes shopping and the vendor goes 'Ummm that's not legal tender my dude' 'Wait these are super old' 'Wait who even are you?!' And the whole town follows him back to the cave And all the youths understand that everybody's monotheistic now, so yay And then all the youths die, sad And then some of the townspeople go SEAL THAT SPOOKY SH** UP, but they were boring non believers And the religious ones go, And they put up a plaque with the story of the time travelling baby Christians and their dog (I have unanswered questions about the dog but it's okay) There's a lot more but I passed out, will read second cave story now-- there are 3 stories I think including the sleepers Oh no Baba just said we have guests coming I have to clean And cancel the power walk Why are we so social this summer? |