Being there When someone is upset they don't need to be managed It's uncomfortable to see someone upset Especially somebody you care about I understand But caring about somebody means that understanding and empathizing with them should take priority over your discomfort Caring about somebody is an inconvenience So are most things that are worthwhile If your immediate thought when somebody is upset is to try to defuse the situation as quickly as possible -- then what you're hoping for is for you to relax as quickly as possible People will get upset, sometimes it will be justified and sometimes it will be irrational Either way it will hurt the same And it's not nice to reserve your kindness for only when it makes sense to you Rationalizing with someone or avoiding sensitive subjects is not compassion Saying 'you're wrong', 'you're too upset' -- 'okay fine we'll just pretend it's not happening' is not empathy They always say that you should try not to prioritize being right I agree, but that's not the same as placating somebody when you don't mean it for the sake of avoiding friction That's condescending Being there for someone you care about when they're going through something painful sucks. It's tense and it's hard but it's what you do if you want to have something meaningful with somebody If you try and you can't handle it, then say so-- at least you've made an effort And if you don't want something meaningful with anyone-- please don't string people along Please make sure you live in some kind of cave and just hire the people you want to interact with |