the next one less angry K's seething not at him she's sick and PMSing and really, really needs a date I thought I was mad until I talked to her and now I think I'm just miffed I'm a little relieved too he's gorgeous but I hated the 'who's going to be the clingy one this week?' game I'm too old and too tired to play emotional hide and seek and the swearing/general rudeness in public wasn't fun. and then he cuts me off for swearing at him when I'm angry. because how bizarre is it for somebody to say things they don't mean when they're angry right? and because when he sticks his feet out the car window and calls me all kind of rude names-- which he conveniently forgets--that's all in JEST which is totally different. not like my deliberated angry swearing. never mind that constantly being called a bitch eventually gets to you and never mind the embarrassment you feel in public. ugh and the convenient forgetfulness. and the convenient switch to polite and caring MK and the looong messages and phone calls when he knows I've reached my limit. and the whole 'I'm going to stop all my self destructive behavior without addressing why I self destruct in the first place' thing oh and judging my level of religiosity (cause he's the freakin expert-- I hope his saint ex with a degree in genetics saves his soul ba2a) and calling me childish (because it totally makes sense for someone who has cartman for a role model to call other people childish) oh and how patronizing he is-- i said i didn't like the ending of a film and he goes 'it's a perfect open ending' -- assuming i'm some pleb who's never come across the idea of an open ending before um maybe i thought it was rushed? and maybe i thought the sudden escalation in Black's character from the cool cat to sobbing desperate forsook Jesus guy seemed unnatural in that space of time-- maybe I thought Freeman could've brought more subtlety into the transition? i'm trying so hard to fight my pride and the need to point out all the specific ways he fucked up and all the specific ways he misunderstood me but what's the point? he doesn't see me and he doesn't love me women who were shockingly out of line with him didn't have to prove they were worthy of love one was just ridiculously passive and mothered him and the other put down his looks, called him indecent and childish (is that their favorite word?)and dropped him the second he was honest about himself so yeah. if that's what he feels 'all consuming love' for-- thanks, but no thanks i'm less angry because i've given up K was telling me at least it only took 3 months this time, last time it took 6 years Hopefully I'll get it down to 5 minutes. Hi, oh you seem lovely, oh now not so lovely, oh you're one of those, oh shit, oh no, good bye--this was fun! I want the next one to go like that |