her pride killed her dignity i don't understand pride. i understand dignity but not pride. i understand standing up for your beliefs, for your people, for your natural God given rights-- i dont understand what the deal is with looking good. if i want something, if i want someone--i do whatever it takes (within a legal/moral framework) to get it/them because i know that i'll be happy. and so what if i look stupid, it isn't the end of the world--at least i tried, at least i wont torture myself with 'what if'? this is one of the things that really pisses me off about being female don't get me wrong-- i love my uterus--i just hate the social constructions of gender (female AND male) if a guy approaches a girl its accepted --no one blinks an eye if a girl approaches a guy she MUST be desperate/crazy if that stigma didn't exist i'd be such a player... ..oh well maybe it's for my own good-- but seriously, what the hell is wrong with men aged 18-25? it's not THAT hard--they're such weaklings! my goodness! what's the worst case scenario? she laughs in your face? big deal--it isnt a death sentence, just call her fat and move on aren't they the ones that are supposed to be biologically inclined to be more flirtatious-- even polygamous?! i read once that the biological objective of a man is to get his unlimited supply of sperm to as many places as possible so that he can spawn as many offspring as possible-- thats why when they're sleeping around, they're praised for it a woman on the otherhand-- with her limited number of eggs and with the difficulties of pregnancy (especially with the biological implications of polyandry)--tends to be more distrustful--and when she sleeps around she's labelled as a whore/slut i feel sleeping around (male/female) is disgusting if you just consider the social reasons -- i dont even want to THINK about STDs and whatever else happens to 'sexually liberated' fungus-spreading sickos that should probably be fixed for the sake of hygiene... ... okay where was i going with this? ... oh, yes-- i was recently betrayed...or rather my sense of judgement betrayed me. there's this girl that i used to consider a very good friend--i thought we had relatively similar value systems until eventually-- she just became consumed by pride now she essentially throws herself at everything male that moves-- and not necessarilly because she's interested--and not necessarilly because she wants to develop something real-- but because it makes her feel better about herself, she likes to be wanted and desired and that part, at least, is understandable who doesnt want to be desired? but the way she goes about gaining (or trying to gain) that desire is where she crosses the line she doesnt distinguish between who she flirts with-- it doesnt matter if it's someone she isn't attracted to, if it's a friend's crush or if it's a complete stranger just because of pride and all i can think is-- i couldn't have come up with a better way to trample over any of the dignity she had left if i tried she's destroying herself and it's pathetic she's even making the very same guys that she flirts with, disgusted by her before i wanted her to stop because it hurt me now i want her to stop because i feel embarassed for her i could bear being angry with her, at least then it felt like a battle with someone i could respect on SOME level at least when i was angry i could face her now its just wretchedly pitiful and i cant even stand to hear her voice--its like listening to someone mess up a public speech, a really long, awkward, painful speech-- i just want to yell "ENOUGH" but i know i cant help. it's just so fake and empty. pride. to be afraid to show that you don't know, to repress how you really feel for the sake of propriety honesty hurts and honesty is messy, but honesty is real honesty is human connection-- and what else do we have in this world? it's just like that ridiculous punk rock song my sister keeps playing, the only thing worse than being alone is being alone in a crowd of people. |