new old the thing about living yourself is you stop living for others. and there's something to be said of vicarious experience. it breeds warmth. i suppose if someone becomes more alone i should allow them to feel it instead of ripping them out and into my arms. it's true, you have to know the other side of the coin to understand this side and fully appreciate it. life is such a strange puzzle, the more pieces you get the less you know the complete picture-- the less you think there's a picture at all. i think for the first time since i was 13 i'm looking outside of myself. but it was good to accept, then forgive then love my insides. now i play connect the dots with people's onion layers. i sit in the cafeteria and listen for what isn't being said and wonder. people die and are reborn and grow and stand still to move forward all at once. it's a good choice. outside looking in. it's a warm choice. i wont go back. i've moved so far to be back where i am. i like my old conclusions for new reasons and i'm happy with them. i'm willing to add more eyes to my self-portrait though. and i'm willing to be patient. and i'm willing to keep it to myself which i've never done before. |