za life i have befriended the olive. it was painful but he was kind about it, and nonie seems happy (and she can stop reading here, no further references will be made to her or olive in this entry-- love oo baby) i have also befriended the roo. that was more surreal than anything else. lotsa miscommunication got cleared up but mostly we saw that we're all so different now. i'm failing arabic (chock unt khorror) i cried. i smoked. i cut. but its over. thats kind of all i feel lately. everything is so rushed. i'm just waiting to finish. and then ... nothing. i dont know why, the nothing will kill me, but i just keep running towards it kmart (rebound palestinian thing) seems to think that i'm spreading 'evil' by informing people of my sexual orientation ... khhh? freshy's going to have me recording part of the soundtrack for her moofie at a studio. (that sounds too cool for me to deserve) i'm worried about su, she seems sad, i think ebbie is too afraid to admit to himself that he's intimidated by her, so he tries to squish her. she's such a fighter though, i dont think her spirit will let her be squished even though she tries for his sake, i think maybe thats why she's sad but dont know why. i is tired. tired is sarbear. mou is more tired though, poor thing. he's busy building some kind of robot that already sounds smarter than me *sigh* he dreamed i had dark blonde highlights and green eyes. which is weird cause my sis had dark blonde highlights and i used to have green contacts. hm. i still owe him a chocobon. there i have ONE plan for the summer. :) everythings been...fixed... more or less there's still the ex. its weird a lot of my new friends this semester seem to be mutual friends with him i dont know how to fix it i mean what am i supposed to say 'i was confused and really wanted you to have breasts'? or 'you're a father symbol to me and i was trying to work things out on a subconscious level'? *sigh* i cant. he couldnt handle what little i showed him of my personality when we were together--which isnt his fault. its my fault. i need to stop lying and acting and closing up. i am scared i'm not hopelessly self-centered though. i make a few exceptions. but as a rule i find myself fascinating *nod* it's just...i grew up with me. so we're good friends you see. i switched back to lights-- different kind though. .4 nicotine count and less tar ..woo..hoo okay okay okay breathe breathe breathe now i have the essay to do just the essay and then the exams then hiring someone to beat my chest every morning so my heart keeps pumping till the results come out i can do that yep and you know what else i love this |