dear mr. sarah, hi if you're out there, now would be a good time to show up. i'm very tired, you see- and soon i'll stop believing in the one great love forever. i'm losing hope in the most sinister way. the pretty things aren't being taken away from me-- no. that wouldn't prevent my faith in them. instead they're growing old in front of me. i would say dying but that would be a bit dramatic...traumatic--and it's not working that way. grief is a very concrete thing to hold on to and i suppose i don't even deserve that if i was ever supposed to have you- if it was ever written- please be here for me now. i need you now. you'll never feel as needed by anyone or anything. i'll give you everything i saved for myself. i don't see myself anymore. it's not painful to say that- i was never a big fan of me. please, before i forget how to breathe and live and love at all. |