idle thoughts at idle hours i cant sleep i know that i'm bored when i become hyper-alert and extremely sensitive i can feel the rims of my contact lenses a person has to be more numb when they're busy functioning is selection which is a problem for some people (me) people (i) make the wrong choices you can only connect to the masses if you're on the same page i know i'm not reading a different book though i know there are a favoured (unfortunate?) few that have tuned into the same frequency eventually they turn the dial back to pop though you only listen to alternative to feel eccentric, provoked-- and no one wants to be like that all the time its heavy bad for the skin a nice place to visit and no place to live --- i've made a 360 turned around to be where i started stopped buying a lot of ideas that i've grown up with its okay though i never liked shopping very much it was mostly about the company good kids are great company but you can only press your nose to so many windows before you buckle under the weight of doing something you hate --- i know what i was missing now someone who loves me regardless of how much they love me which sounds nonsensical i know i always gush about being in love with love and people giggle and brush me off but the truth of the matter is everyone is the same way to a degree love is a higher being that no one will acknowledge they acknowledge they sacrifice for love i didnt realize that Love (the higher being) existed until i met a love-atheist the atheist is frank and unromantic the atheist is brutally sincere i'm constantly assured that i'm not loved i'm wanted, appreciated, lusted after, respected, admired, protected, recognized, needed, but i'm not loved and now i forget exactly why i ever wanted to be --- another friend from high school found me-- two in the same week after over three years of not communicating with any of them |