same topic, new ideas :) i'm so tired of 'if it feels good, stop' but its so very engrained in the empty box of a family i live with doc. a said i call for change, a compliment, given with a smile but i'm not sure she saw the house of non-conformity i've chosen to spread my call and i realize i said chosen, i chose to come back because it upset them when i left and i thought it was unfair-- not that they were upset, that they didnt have something concrete to focus on instead of themselves in a strange way, i'm both the black sheep and the glue instead of leaving and allowing them to eat each other up (like the frogs in the bag :)) i'm willing to be lunch because they can't hurt me, not now anyway because i'm allowed to feel good, and they've never been that doesnt make me better, i know-- i fully realize i'm the ugly, the dark and sour i never had visions of the afterlife like my sister, i've never been the good son like my brother, the born again muslim like my father maybe i'm a little like mommy. my only friend, my only ally, my only reason to deep fry myself and add ketchup the only one who has never claimed to be more than lacking or more than human she's kinder than i'll ever be though, i've been lunch for the past year or so and she's been lunch for the past ten and i remember those words that stung me for so long, "i'm not your mother, i'm going home, i'm going back to the philippines" and i thought--how could she, how could she leave us? we're helpless. only now i understand we're anything but we're vicious, passive, empty people that trust conventions and cant remember why mom never left, but i will. when i know she'll be okay. when i make sure the frogs have filled their stomachs. --- freshy once said she was attracted to morbid people because they are willing to accept a part of their humanity that others run away from like me :) i choose hell. not that i believe it exists in the traditional islamic sense anyway--but if it did, yeah i want to be behind the guy that said "em...i'm not going to bow down to this weird meaty thing thats going to desecrate your gifts because i submit only to the almighty" pfsh if i were him, i'd mess with odd psycho meaty thing too especially the odd psycho meaty things that choose to believe they're superior to any other creature thats ever existed hypothetical or otherwise especially the odd psycho meaty things that preach choice and then create a nazi-reminiscent culture to "guide" you to the "correct" choice and if i have to experience otherworldly pain foreeever and eeever because of that choice then hook up the grill people :) --- i believe in love and i've worshipped her long before i worshipped the image of the old sheikh and i swear, i swear its all i need love me enough and i'll do your every bidding |