not so quick love life recap lets start with victor a. i was six. he was my nerdy prince charming clad in those irresistable coke-bottle glasses (yummy). of course he fell for my artistic, greek friend nicolia -- she could color in the lines. ugh. the narcissistic bastard...he figured THAT was genius, and i assume was looking to secure his future gene pool (a phrase that will come up again because although my love life is bizarre, it still manages to be predictable) why couldnt i have fallen for eric huh? funny, unquestioning, kind eric...*shaking head* but no, no, even at six my brain fetish was overwhelming. i eventually repressed the fetish having had my fill of the 'unrequited love' scene and fell for a hottie at 10. yes. this will fix things, i thought--fall for the first cute thing i see--thats bound to work. yeaaah...craig...didn't work. he couldnt spell prehistoric... he couldnt spell in general... but this did not matter because he was pretty and i...wanted...pretty thing. the bastard ended up killing my turtle. so i swore them off for awhile. till L. the jordanian showed up. thats when the father issues first surfaced. of course at that point in time i was still a normal uptight coward that didnt want to acknowledge a lot of things in my conscious world let alone my subconscious world. (dont worry the father thing will also come up again) L. was popular. i was a social leper. no i did not get a make over and no L. did not suddenly learn sensitivity and/or grow testicles. so i moved to the floridian ghetto. (my father's idea of exposing me to the harsher realities of life) it was by the graces of God that i wasnt stabbed, injected and/or raped (is this starting to explain the issues?)-- i was, however, solicited by a gang member, esteban, who is probably currently incarcerated. he had to give up the chase (of my then 13 year old bod) when he dropped out of high school for nobler pursuits (like 'represen'in') then there was the agnostic alaskan blonde fro thing called axel. twas at sweet sixteen that i first enjoyed requited (albeit delusional and transient) lurve. we (yes it was mutual) later discovered we lived on different planets...and i'm not just talking mars and venus. i got in touch with him recently after a three year hiatus...after about a week of communication i think we're actually starting a new hiatus. point is i can better show you how very *insert appropriate adjective* we are. i'll elaborate: -he's studying astrophysics in new mexico.-i'm studying international relations, literature and film in cairo, egypt -in his spare time he calculates complex mathematical formulas like how many phonebooks would reach the moon and back -i need a calculator to multiply numbers over a digit long...i try to avoid multiplication altogether...and division...algebra...calculus...you get the picture surprisingly though, he DOES NOT get the prize for most bizarre interest. after all he was mostly about pissing off my father. this brings us to the pole (as in the nationality not the stripper workplace). the pole was essentially the early twenties, eastern european embodiment of my father (welcome to my defining trauma)oh and in between (slight overlapping--dont judge me) there was the horny pothead eGiptian that was raised in the states, we made out a bit (publicly naturally)--further cementing my position as non-conservative sociopath. i sport muslim headgear and before that incident had a semi-approvable rep. so it doesnt really matter that the sluttiness was during a BPD low and instigated a wave of suicide attempts because the masses will always find mental shortcuts more convenient. as for the horny pothead, we yelled at each other, then ignored each other, then he moved.back to the pole. that was odd. he was just...not my style/type/expectation--and i'd been through a lot so i was ready for anything--almost... i wasn't ready for him.he's more arab than polish (which i'm still not sure was to his advantage/disadvantage)...he's a future islamic banker with slightly fundamentalist tendencies and a women/mother complex. i went to his shahadah/conversion ceremony -- talked about marriage and babies but i STILL managed to screw it up. and thats when the rebound palestinian jock/player thing came in. (notice how they're just nationalities now) you know the type dont you?looks a little too deeply into his own reflection, has three or four 'prospects' that he works SIMULTANEOUSLY (not bitter, not bitter)-- and he outright boasts about securing his future gene pool. 'i once dumped a girlfriend because her brother was ugly'...my distracted response was 'fascinating' after a lot of denial and appreciating him... neck down... i eventually started missing other types of stimulation and severed ties with the manly-man. that would be when i moved onto the next available dude- nice, sweet, almost too perfect to be true... aaand he was... (long, painful story involving way too many aerosmith songs, specifically 'cryin' and 'dude looks like a lady').now i'm j-j-jaded. and giving ADVICE to people that have it better than me. *sigh* i didnt even include any of my lesbian episodes. i dont know anymore... is it just me? |