48 I don't knooow if I can afford this therapyyyy And the assessment part is triggeriiiiing Watching the psychologists face get more and more aaasheeeen And not being able to give a timeliiiine in one sessiooon or twoooo Because I have prisoner of war level childhood abuuuuse and it's just like And hearing "you're doing remarkably weeelll given what you've been throooough" But instead of a movie on the lifetime channeeel about how I beat the oooodds I'm stuck drowning in a global south country because despite having the savings to pursue my studieees I cant buy foreign currency to literally save my liiiiife because Egypt is infuriatiiiing But I can't complaaiiin because everyone is going through something more tragiiiic And I dont know why I have to type this sing songyyy but that's the only way I don't collapse into a puddle right nooow Put a positive spin on that shit --- One day I'm going to write books. And you'll see a movie about the grand daughter of a paranoid schizophrenic woman The old woman, with alzheimers, on her deathbed confuses her grand daughter with her daughter in law (they look the same) And reveals "I know you tried to kill me" Whaaaat? "I remember, in Saudi Arabia, you tried to kill me-- like them *points to air * the maids, they follow me and try to kill me" And the grand daughter has a giant flashback and realizes the whole time that the grandmother wasn't a conniving evil bitch but was just an undiagnosed schizophrenic who had hallucinations about her daughter in law trying to hurt her Which she in turn shared with her son, who then abused his wife 'in retaliation' And the wife then abused her kids And one of them, who juuuust wants to study psychology-- figured that shit out Can I put that on patreon? Can I crowdfund this? Even more books about CPTSD! One with a vaguely middle eastern flavor? Diaspora? White people like that word now. CPTSD from a...37 year old chiiild of the diasporaaaa Ugh Fuck my life I should've done drugs, really |