Fuck it fuck it fuck it all What do you do with the knowledge that fundamentally dishonest and craycray people exist? Why did I need a therapist to tell me that his balding creams, skin obsession, militaristic workout regime and approval of his little sister saying his body was sexy or more specifically "Nice abs asshole, I bet Sarah really likes your hips" was fucking weird and disturbing? Why did I have to be kicked out on the street before I saw that my "friend" who cheated on her husband with his best friend and talked (incredibly personal and violating) trash about literally everyone she "cared" about was a manipulative and creepy person? Look I'm not exactly stable and my life story reads like a telenovela But couldn't I just meet somebody funny with the basic skills of empathy and humility and maybe excellent taste in music and film? Couldn't I fuck somebody who's a liiittle bit over his/her PTSD? (^yes, I'm openly bi now) I'm grateful for M and T, for my online counselor, my psychiatrist and my psychologist and for prozac brain hugs (the team/village is real now :D ) Crochet in rocking chairs with mama, cocoa with baba and berlin with my brother I dont give a fuck anymore and I'm making this diary public again At this point I would love somebody to give me an excuse to throwdown Based on their cojones-less past behavior, I doubt they will In the words/lyrics of Deb Talan "you wear the truth under your sole, like a pebble, it makes you limp and sway --but it'll out someday" I just want to draw/sing/create, have better sex and not be a drain on society I'm tired of Cairo intrigues and posturing For the last fucking time -- I dont do groups :) Bosas fatha fuckas |