And then the ow. Thank you for the diaryland love I saw a therapist today and cried on a couch She's british (I used to go to a british school when I was little and to my horror my old accent kept sneaking out) I'm feeling awful Which is an improvement :D Last week I called my friend and told her I think I might be dying I'm also able to laugh and my muscles arent involuntarily cramped like my body's willing itself into rigor mortis anymore I'm still confused but I'm optimistic about wading through it all My goal is to hopefully find answers and when I don't, to make peace with the questions I used to relish this aloneness I'm trying to remember what that was like It wasnt a lack of him I think we both weren't ready But we were both explorers and fans of pushing through I dont regret it anymore It just hurts now Raw unadulterated hurt Yumnumnum I'm trying to say growing pains to myself over and over Everybody says the only way I'll move past it is if I just feel it And everybody says it will take time I'm afraid of the time bit I'm afraid of the feeling bit too It feels like Im supposed to relax onto a knife Here goes nothing |