T Minus 8 months First, slosh slosh slosh slosh slosh Second, I'm turning 30 in 8 months It's a sobering deadline and it haunts me I have no idea what goals I want to achieve or if I still have time or if I'm perfectly fine--and I've done enough-- And I understand this is an arbitrary age to obsess over, and it's not like I'll gain a superpower or find wrinkles all over my vagina if and when I wake up in March I could freak out over 32 instead Or I could watch it whiz by I don't want it to whiz by I don't see this panic I feel as caving into youth obsessed societal pressure or ugly vanity I only want to be the one to mark these 3 decades, Okay fine that does sound vain I just don't damn it I don't want to be marked by 3 decades whizzing by with my snotty right lung and belly laughs and skin elasticity Maybe everything I've done these past 2 years is the mama in me trying to cushion the impact of three zero with tiny accomplishments: 1. I quit sex, thank you social media and Cairo, for making that easy to give up 2. I lasered my eyeballs. I'll say it again, its one of those things that instantly and profoundly changes you and you should go for it if you're in the market for a new you 3. I learned to drive...I'm still geographically challenged and accidentally ended up halfway to Alexandria ...a couple (five) times 3. I left the company and started tutoring privately = yay moneys! boo I will never go outside or care 4. I quit smoking. I feel raw all the time and I hate it. But it's forcing me to change. I like figuring out what the morning means without a cigarette on the balcony. 5. I went outside and made princess wino I'm going to cry. A lot. |