today I discovered:
Written @ 1:55 a.m. on 2014-08-01
-Cigarettes are cheaper in Zamalek -Rolled cigarettes are cheaper than that and taste better and young people like to claim they're less poisony poison -The doctor girl who always seemed manically happy was sad because her baba died of lung cancer (I am an ASSHOLE) -The babies are so accomplished and self starters and politically incorrect and lovely -I'm still hot (to babies and man person in disturbing tiny shorts from the Netherlands) -the "gay or European" game is still hilarious -I can criticize our government if the Guardian does -"Holly" and her super culturally sensitive boyfriend claims she "totally" doesn't "see color". And, is fucking obsessed with color. -the best person to hang out with around "Holly" is half Austrian swarthy, bearded guy whose opening line was --"they used to call me Hitler in school" First guffaw because of his delivery, second guffaw because of "Holly" and her deliciously aghast face (I will NOT stop quoting/air quoting her name) -the "how long can you creepily stare, crazy faced at the texting stranger" game is hilarious and I'm a genius -T and Dr T/comedienne bonding is a beautiful thing to watch --"it's a penis fight. it's just penises, fighting." *grave nodding* -Yeah buddy, he thinks it's a date. Politeness is not flirtation. DAMN IT. I'll go sleep with a pillow in my nostrils now. -this is what happens when you get a doctor/fortune teller to read your palm: "you will have to face a lot of difficult choices" *pensively pinches hand* "and you need to hydrate" -I tear up in pet stores -I momentarily fantasize about smacking rude children with their ipads. Then I meet their parents and fantasize about smacking them instead- guiltlessly and with leisure. -I like yelling "do you know who I am?!" and T likes saying 'lama akalemek t2ooly 7ader ya fandem" (badly translated: when I speak to you, you say yes ma'am) Because if you can't pretend to be a bougie psychopath, what's the point? -Pretty people on diaryland. You're all so sweet and actually read this. Voluntarily. And genuinely aren't xenophobic, homophobic, misogynistic or dull. And say nice things. What are you? HUG. *bawling*
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