Ratios and subtle stabs and how I ought to make a plan I don't know how to make plans and then fit people in I've never thought "I want dinner, I wonder who I should call" It's always "I want to see X" or "I want to talk to X--maybe we can have dinner" The people are the point I didn't know that I felt/behaved this way until I started feeling like an accessory to activities. I'd never experienced it before so I didn't know what it was for a while. And I couldn't put my finger on what was bothering me. It wasn't time, the punch cards were punched--it wasn't conversation, a sufficient number of words got exchanged and the right amount of affection But you know what's really sexy? Curiosity. Exploring each other and feeling like I'm someone to be discovered-- and not naked. I want to know everything I can know--especially about people. I know there are layers and layers. I know it takes time--a lot of time. And the people are the point-- not what I'm doing or where I'm going. And if they're not the point, they know it--I don't talk when I'm not present I've either read the book or I haven't-- I don't fudge through a chat because you're passionate about the story Especially because you're passionate about the story It's selfish to deprive you of a real conversation about something you're deeply invested in because I don't want you to be slightly disappointed in me for a second And if you find out that I've been fudging through--then it's not just disappointing, it's downright heart breaking. In or out. Up or down. Not I'll figure out what's best for me and you tag along. We'll discuss it after I've drawn up the blueprints and set up a schedule. And before you tear down everything you know (by next summer, tick tock)--could you reassure everyone I know? I totally don't care what they think about me as long as it's that I'm perfect. Oh what's that? The sound of everyone you love's hearts breaking? Hm. Sad. But make sure you're free to hang out when I have nothing to do? Thanks --here's a video of a nude woman walking around, you should do art like that
AND he said I sounded like I was being fucked in a techno song I recorded. And expected me to be me melty about him liking it later.
For both of us. Equally. So I need to make plans. And see about fitting him in. |