Momentum (hi Reem) my abundant sister told me today i'd make a good mother motherhood has been a recurring theme in my nightmares i didn't even know this until my university friend unearthed it and i stopped talking to her probably for many other reasons known and unknown that don't matter very much anymore some foolish things are sensibly irrevocable still that was the snapping point, motherhood and strangely, unintentionally, perfectly-- i took up teaching children shortly after in the words of kundera -- the individual composes his life according to the laws of beauty even in times of great distress as it turns out, my friend was wrong -- apparently i can be nurturing but when she told me i'd make a bad mother, i believed her and didn't want to and looking back now, i know at that time--and before that time, what she said was true i think i'd been nurturing my wounds, whether in myself or when i thought i saw them reflected in others i think it took her a lot of courage to tell me that--and i think she knew on some level that those words would change me and our relationship she had many prophetic moments actually when i first met my current best friend--she told me she had the strangest feeling that i'd grow close to her, and i was very dismissive my university friend (yeah it's a stupid moniker, get over it) was very intuitive and i always admired that in her i always admired intuition in general i thought it was magic, i still do i'm thinking of her today and thinking of momentum i think my pause to consider has turned into a full blown shut down momentum with her always felt like running away it wasn't my own it was fun and joyous--and now i can really appreciate how rare that is, but it didn't come from me and when i felt tired and overwhelmed, i always felt guilty and resentful too i felt i didn't earn it and i didn't understand it i was just going along for the ride it was a great ride today (and maybe some of yesterday) i decided to pick up my feet and pedal myself, pick up my phone and peddle myself make some momentum |