And while I show them, I'll show me It's back :) Creative block lifted. Imagination liberated. It was put to a vote and the Muses have rescinded the Mojo tariff! I thank you Ambassadors of Beauty for pitying the veritable vegetable to which I have been reduced. I have to wait before I move out, not knowing if I'll move out, not knowing if I move out if that'll change anything. I feel like I'm rewinding and pressing fast forward between behaving like a 12 year old and behaving like a 30 year old. The mentality in between just got eaten up in the heat or something. I feel scared, unsure and isolated. It'd almost be too much to bear if the ol noggin didn't wake up, cough, release its belly, reach up to the ceiling and crack every little bone in its rickety yellowed spine. I'm limber all of a sudden. The paint flowed from my fingers as naturally as blood from a cut and as painlessly as a silk glove from a princess. I knew where all the lines belonged-- I knew that a cat and a spoon and a television set were meant to live together on a canvas in this specific form, in these colors. I finished in five minutes the cartoon for a painting it took me months to begin. I finished in five minutes the most elaborate song I've ever written. My fingers found chords I didn't know existed. The lyrics surfaced like they were put together in my sleep and all my tongue had to do was allow me to recognize them. My voice didn't shake or break. Suddenly I was Maria from the Sound of Music singing a sad jazz song (it sounds better than it sounds... you know what I mean) I finished in five minutes. I haven't finished anything in five minutes for years. I haven't even finished five minutes in five minutes for years. I just have another week or two. I have to tough it out. In the meantime, it seems my art has more confidence in me than I do. |