apparently i do look like mabel chiltern.
okay the last time i saw our latest hopeful bachelor i was FOUR YEARS OLD. two decades later he informs dearest baba out of the blue that he has arranged for my future. um. no, i dont remember how you broke my toy pony by sitting on it. and the male pattern baldness does little in the way of resurrecting the image of you at eight. what is it about shunning the world, sitting on my ass and painting all day that screams BETROTHE ME did i stumble into some marrying season i wasn't aware of? 'but he's a pilot!' 'so?' 'you'll see the world!' 'can't i do that anyway?' 'sarah this is an opportunity that doesn't come very often' no...this is an opportunity that harangues me very often, and precisely when i've decided to concentrate on my work unlike its biological counterpart which has no utility whatsoever and is so silly looking that even the most egoistic painters portrayed them as little baby dicks as though that would make them forgivable it doesnt. floppy flesh noodles. hmph. --- i jog five kilometres every morning and have taken up crocheting. i'm also reading the complete works of oscar wilde and karaoking (which i also count as getting in touch with my filipino roots). my studio is an adorable fortress of solitude and i see no use for the outside world other than exhibiting work, an occasional beer and tutting at the rabble. all my life i've been made to think that being unapologetic is tantamount to being ungrateful sorry was my most used word. and now i've cut it down to 'so?' :) i think the last straw was when a friend, who i'd once thought of as most understanding, told me i should've been civil to the guy who poked me with his penis on the boat--which for all intents and purposes i WAS. my friend said it was silly of me to stay in my room after the incident. it was just the only way i could avoid penis poker on a boat that had 2 designated areas to relax other than my room. 2 designated areas in which ancient penis poke man had previously and consistently chatted me up (under the assumption that i was 13, ew?) ok so my friend didn't know all the details but it was certainly enlightening for his first jewel of wisdom to be 'put up or shut up' i dont know why i expected a 'sorry you were poked by the ancient penis in a public place, that's unfortunate' but i did, and have resolved to never expect empathy ever again, at least empathy without an agenda. i hope that guy gets poked by someone in his building. lets see him deal with that civilly. --- the bean (save one missed call and one site recommendation --holistic medicine?) has been working through the social ballet on her own lately. im giving her creative space :) she has that dramatic rapid world view changing rhythm i had a few years ago and i pop in every now and then to see where she is on the evolutionary chart. i don't miss growing pains. not one bit. bones makes facetious comments on everything i do and has presumably busied himself, since we lead mirrored existences and i've learned to revel in the warmth of fuck all *paint, paint, paint* several stalker types are vying for the position of having my company when i venture out for my bi-monthly beer. they're all losing, equally. and riz ahmed intrigues me. he has rasputin eyes. i'm waiting for the dude to snap. |