even if i'm not right, you're wrong recently i've been told how very relevant my words were when i was feeling irrelevant. being meaningful to someone feels so arbitrary-- all i ever want is to have one good conversation after the other. i want to learn and teach and acknowledge and be acknowledged. i want to feel my head grow and sit quietly on my bed at the end of the day and smile and listen to it stretching but it's the noticing part that always goes awry and somehow i always seem to keep tabs on the awful observations-- assign roles and no matter how many times those words are wrong they feel like they'll never unstick and i've always wondered if you knew just how awful it was for you to say what you did, would you? because if i could prove that you were just as mean as you were kind-- not even to myself, but to your face-- would they finally unstick? i never considered saying anything, i just left because i assumed that you say those awful words to yourself. it only seemed fair that you'd cast on yourself that same harsh light you cast on others. but now i think maybe i was wrong, and i'm ready to let go of who i am in your eyes |