surrealism
psychic automation. they don't think about it and that's how they learn what's going on under the surface. i used to do that all the time remember? let's give it a try: i'm angry i dont know why i'm so afraid to stick up for something, an idea, a word i dont know why i might know why i think maybe possibly because i love so much and i dont want to hurt them, i suppose thats why i pretend to dislike them, it's easier that way nothing gets crushed along the way i'm not afraid of change not always i appreciate some change i'm afraid of this change specificities i live for the details the detailed details i am so tired i want somebody to click and say i got it and this is how and this is where and it'll be okay it'll be okay i promise you, trust me, trust something anything, trust one thing, give me one thing to trust when i choose to trust i am betrayed and i trust with love and it's not about people it's about ideas about a worldview a pair of spectacles to understand this life and everytime i begin to see i become blind
i keep coming back here but sometimes i think i'd rather stay than get these beautiful glimpses only to have them taken away from me it's traumatizing. fuck the wars, fuck the freudian shit, fuck the abuse and fuck the tragedies. there is nothing more traumatizing than the unknown and a hyper-sensitive consciousness of it oh good for you! you can function! am i to pat you on the back? am i to shake your foundation for company in my misery i'm not like that okay? i'm not. i care. it's shitty to know more and care. and you think you know more because you've been there and gotten out. you've been lost and then been found, and i'm an idiot for not having figured it out as quickly you're right, i am lost. but i've been found, and lost, and found, and lost, and found, and lost so many times over that i'm nothing more than a blur between one identity and another it's not my choice. fuck choice. fuck choice! you don't KNOW what you have and what you dont! it's easy to take responsibility when it's convenient when it's valor when it's fixable when you're there--do you feel like you have a choice? when you're eyes are swollen shut in the middle of the night and you're gasping for air and all you can do is scream the things you cant hold and you cant say-- do you feel like you have a choice? do you feel like you did this I AM NOT ENLIGHTENED but i let them preach to me and teach to me because i want you to feel like you know i want you to feel like down is down and up is up and i do this for you because it makes me happy
talk talk to me. don't tell me. |