standing. i was raised to believe in order, and to quietly praise the virtues of compliance the stiff british teachers of my childhood endeavoured to teach civility and respect two values that my parents were expected to confirm and instill in the household--and they did, with words the same words phrased in the same pattern told in the same self-righteous falsetto the problem was that in the saudi-based school, the dignity of 'the british way' was dwarfed by the brutal, rife and unapologetically frank 'arab way' and that the often preached gentility of the household never did materialize into reality i rejected society and i still reject authority not because i'm sick or evil, but because i know better. my spontenaity is not dangerous. my passion is not crude. it's real. i don't have a disorder. i live in disorder and i react accordingly. --- borderline patients are characteristically traumatized by an abusive childhood who isnt? dont tell me to channel my pain into power dont tell me what success is dont fix me when you dont want to know what's broken i'm not happy because i acknowledge and at times enjoy misery i can not comprehend eternal bliss let alone strive for it i dont believe in prioritizing happiness i dont believe in prioritizing self-image i believe in getting it over with. since when was the degree of 'how good it feels' the determining factor for what is right and wrong -------------------------------------- i believe in balance -------------------------------------- i hate the denial of the detached and unappreciatively affluent west i hate the denial of the cowardliness and false machismo of the east and i hate that this whole time i've allowed myself to believe that i'm ill for allowing my mind to tackle the discrepancies --------------------------------------- as for personal issues: suad. i am not a purse. i was not "stolen". in fact your irrational fear and illogical behavior (not confronting me, using the plural "we" when hurling out your theories and subsequently further complicating conflicts with nora which thankfully have been resolved as well as your cowardly and unfounded words about sara behind her back) have so shocked and angered me that the nicest thing i can think to do is walk away from you because i wouldn't think twice about getting into a physical confrontation with you. i have never, ever been this angry in my entire life. the sad part is you basically created the scenario that you had no real reason to believe would happen. because of how long this went on, because of who i almost lost, |