readiness it's amazing, when i ended my last relationship--i broke out of something-- or i broke into something--i just woke up colors became brighter, tastes became richer, everything felt stronger and i rediscovered everything i love in my friends it's really easy to forget--it's true, you can get used to anything-- to the most phenomenal things being in love with life can become a habit real, uncensored conversation about bodily functions and fear and silliness being seen. being heard-- and not in the spotlight sense of it-- wanting to be known and feeling beautiful not because of what you've done or what you're wearing but because you're here, all of you, and all the time and i find myself so desperate for it that i'm falling in love with everyone i talk to i'm so glad i fucked up. it feels so good to know that i chose to be where i am --- i'm helping my dad with my grandmother. she suffered a stroke. she's half paralyzed. and recently i discovered she's blind. i never knew she had blonde hair, i never knew she had green eyes. i didn't know she was so stubborn--or maybe i didn't know that i like that in her i'm writing about it-- for myself i can't believe my ex didn't understand that someone could want to do things for themselves. i took this understanding for granted. he couldn't even see that a woman could want to dress up in beautiful clothing to stay at home and just feel gorgeous. --- i really like this new kid too. i fully realize that a lot of it is the natural longing for a rebound, but i just like him! fresh is probably right-- i appreciate him as a friend. he makes me laugh and he's ridiculous. i based a character profile on him. i was right about a lot of it! scared the crap out of him i've never been so happy to KNOW someone and have them admit that i'm right it was pretty easy to guess because he's a lot like me. roo was the one to discover that, so i cheated-- fine, it still feels good though --- tomorrow i'm going to drive around empty egyptian suburbs and scare away chicken and small children i'm ready to take driving seriously. |