let me be the day before yesterday i was in sahel el shamaly. no tv, no internet, no books, no guitar, nothing remotely stimulating yesterday i went bowling then proceeded to throw up and throw up some more this morning then i went to diwan (a bookstore) to buy my professor a book then i went to her party and gave her a book and took one of the books she's giving away and i dont remember what happened before i'm forgetting a lot maybe i'm not maybe they were just off days and my brain wasn't functioning thats why they didnt register --- "stop with the self destructive lifestyle sarah" "but its so much more interesting" ---
the ones that matter one of them didnt get back to me maybe they wont matter anymore its my life right, i get to choose i have so many options so much control i should feel so liberated, grateful, enthused --- there's this boy called hani. --- why? WHY is it inappropriate? WHY do i have to be quiet? WHY does it bother you? i don't hurt people like this. i hurt people when i'm forced to be whatever makes YOU happy and i hate you i HATE YOU I HATE YOU for that --- nobody can make me do anything. but they sure try. |