Day 14 Nou kind of proposed? If we're together in 6 months If we make it that far I said yes, of course The medication feels weeeird I have all this energy in the morning Energy that used to go into thinking thinking thinking, my internal family talking in my head Now it goes into "decide" and "do" -- action Sarah And if I don't decide and do I feel like I'm whirring and overheating and sick The anxiety medication is putting a ceiling on things I still get anxious and cry But it doesn't turn into physical pain The day before I was supposed to up my dose, the pain came back which makes me feel the medication is definitely working Tomorrow Nou arrives I packed for a week I'm not moving in, I'm...extended sleeping over I'm picking her up from the airport I'm excited and scared and emotional In three days is my next appointment with Dr. Dina (which is lucky timing, I think) I saw a friend who lives next to the park I like, we walked and talked I try to text and keep up with Beebo, Mou and Saf and Marko but sometimes they're too busy and sometimes I'm bad at initiating things because I'm distracted by Nou It's hard It's hard not to make her everything And they say honeymoon, lovey dovey phases are normal in the beginning I'm worried about being the right amount of normal I'm worried about fucking up I'm really happy with her and I fluctuate between euphoria and terror Right now it's terror I think tomorrow when I see her and smell her hair it will be euphoria again I love her a lot |