I'm tired. I'm always tired. "There is a reason after all, that some people wish to colonize the moon, and others wish to dance before it as an ancient friend" James Baldwin was so beautiful The world was better at gaslighting back then But he knew it wasn't his paranoia, he knew who he was, he saw things as they were --- My first class was cancelled, I was supposed to sleep in I couldn't sleep Neither could Nou The trip is coming up and I'm afraid of being an imposition And I know that I was raised to feel like an imposition I try really hard to fight that thought But I still don't want to be one What if I rushed things, what if I pressured her What if she feels sorry for me What if I read things wrong I don't know I guess all I can do is be honest and hope that she is too It feels awful And familiar If it wasn't this, I'd find some other way to torture myself Textbook I'll never feel at home, my shoulders will never come down Well not never But I need to love myself and be loved for a long long long time before that happens |