37 Ernst's dreamscape I think I may have oversold Sahel, you guys 😅 Well, then again... We're a very classist society Sort of a caricatured microcosm of what's going on in developed countries Late stage capitalism is happening a lot bigger and a lot faster here (not Emirates big and fast but only because we dont have the money to exploit global south laborers) I've watched (and am a resident of) the gated communities that rose up in the deserts turned suburbia Vox explained it pretty well with graphics. And with historical, political and economic context. I'm not doing that. Im going to talk about myself, because this is my diary and not yours. Nyah. I used to think it was all so artificial but at some point I realised I wasn't getting a trophy for being manhandled by the city And I got used to parking spaces In the city, you parallel park on the side of the street with about 2 cm of elbow room or-- you circle the apartment "block" (we don't have blocks it's all squiggly lines) for four hours crying on your steering wheel, sniffling at your friend on speaker that you're just going home okay Nadine IM JUST GOING HOME ... You stop talking to Nadine All of this to say, wherever you go in Egypt, a variety of very different experiences are available to you depending on how much you spend So in Sahel-- You have the old villages (hi!) -- populated by people who have been bumped down several classes due to inflation and floating the Egyptian pound The people who didn't have accounts in dollars, who watched their savings halved, quartered Drawn and quartered We don't pay to sit on the beach, we have jellyfish, pointy rocks, instant coffee and occasionally weird bits of plastic We're still very privileged (I can't speak about the public beach experience but from what I've observed, no thank you) However, we are a far cry from the places west of Marina (there's this old joke that there's "evil Sahel" and "good Sahel") West of Marina, they serve alcohol, people have designer beach bags and bikinis they picked up in Dubai. There are less fussy grannies and crying toddlers. They meticulously maintain their villas/chalets and their beaches. You have to pay to walk on their beaches. And at night they have DJs. Very loud DJs. We aren't lux But somebody made us a dreamscape and I'm very proud :) (I want to live in Ernst's head for real) --- In other news, I have entered full villain era I think letting go of this sibling guilt and complex that I need to "save" them has really galvanised me to show up for myself Tante Z acknowledges it "I like you this summer!" I laugh and say thank you Tante "I mean it! You fight and you don't let your baba make you sad" *sigh* I can't ever stay mad at Tante Z She grew up with my baba and my two uncles -- I literally shudder imagining it She had to run away to Hungary! She's gingery blonde with green eyes and looks very sweet and non threatening and tiny and round in her floral dresses Until she speaks She sounds like an anime villain I've seen her make grown men pale I can tell she's overbearing in her own way with her kids but out of all the cousins-- I'd say they're the most emotionally resilient and successful And nobody was rooting for her My uncle was a famous immunologist, my other uncle was an engineer in the gulf, baba was a medical prodigy She pursued a PhD in economics and they thought she was nuts Now my engineer uncle is dead (Allah yerhamo), my immunologist uncle is struggling with schizophrenia and my baba is a reclusive, sometimes abusive grump Tante is a very connected (like scary connected), well respected professor who's more social in her seventies than I will ever be Baba introduces himself to people as Dr. Z's brother I introduce myself as her niece I'm pretty sure she's the reason I haven't served prison time or been disappeared despite everything I say and do When I was younger, I judged her for her position but now I understand she was securing financial freedom and protection in a shitty and frightening system I understand her more and I admire her more I feel the same way about my mama But I don't want to be them I don't want to be that hard and volatile--I understand it but now I have the opportunity to live in a completely different way And I'm going to take it (I think her daughter’s doing the same) Today I told everybody I'd rather just be alone K said she gets it (I know I can't diagnose people but she feels really neurospicyyyy) I might see her later if we get the chance to be alone (her suggestion) When we're alone we can just sit quietly together I like saying no It feels really liberating Scary and slightly nauseating and then liberating Social sky diving I love it |