15 spoke too soon Cramps I read more of the cave After the sleepers story, God says always say inshaAllah (if God wills it) don't say this or that is definitely happening There's a joke that Arabs say inshaAllah when it's never going to happen Didn't you say you were taking out the garbage? InshaAllah honey. Mostly a lot of stuff about non attachment Mountains will crumble You're like plants that will disintegrate to dust Don't be materialistic, be good, wicked people are going to be soooo embarrassed when confronted with all their sins because we keep receipts And they'll say Alas it's so accurate and records even my tiny indiscretions But verily we told you so Yet humans are such argumentative creatures (actual verse, love it) And then story two! Moses! Prophet Musa in Arabic It's very snow white in the beginning Somebody says, who knows the most about everthing on earth? Prophet Musa says well probably me, God picked me and everything And God goes Excuse you, no And then sends prophet Musa on a journey to find a guy called Khedr And on the way he's supposed to wait for a sign to do with fish He has a companion who was carrying lunch And prophet Musa says where are our sandwiches? And the companion goes oh I dropped our fish and they miraculously fell in the sea a while back, but the devil made me forget to tell you And prophet Musa says dude that was our sign! So they retrace their steps and find Khedr Prophet Musa says hi God sent me here to learn stuff Khedr says okay, just follow me but don't ask a lot of questions, I'll explain it all later, can you do that? Prophet Musa--for sure! Then Khedr takes him to a ship and drills a hole into it And prophet Musa goes UM THATS NOT COOL And Khedr goes, what did I saaaay about questioooons, have you no patience?! And prophet Musa says sorry sorry my bad Then they go meet a kid and Khedr MURDERS THE BABY And prophet Musa goes DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST MURDER AN ACTUAL CHILD And Khedr goes ARE YOU ASKING QUESTIONS?! And prophet Musa goes OKAY SORRY And then they go to a town full of rude people who are mean to them and Khedr fixes up a broken wall in the town And prophet Musa says you could at least get paid for that And Khedr says you know what okay this is where we part ways Let me explain everything since you couldn't wait The ship belongs to a poor family and was going to be forcefully seized by a tyrant who takes nice ships, so I damaged it The kid was baby Hitler and his parents don't deserve that, and God is sending a nicer baby The wall in the crap town has treasure for orphans buried beneath it and they're going to find it when they're older The point is your God helped me do all of this and nobody is all knowing so don't forget that, okay bye ---- I'm still not over the divinely inspired baby murder Imagine living in a time when goat sacrifices are progressive because people are used to baby sacrifices These hippies with their goat offerings Pfft in my day you threw the extra girls off a mountain and that was the end of it I think in Ancient Egypt it was the Nile actually Virgin girls drowned in the Nile Incentive to be slutty Ow ow ow cramps |