"the sense of urgency is not real" My friend chants that to herself Her name is sunrise in Arabic My neighborhood is also called sunrise We met soon after her mama had passed away She hit on me but I didn't want to start anything when she was grieving We cuddled I think she was annoyed we didn't have sex Not annoyed-- she just wanted to feel different I got her pastries in the morning She called me after my mama had passed away, to give mama grieving advice Everything keeps going You keep breathing, the world keeps turning Even if you don't understand how Even if you don't think you can Aaand here I am, huffing zen every day Telling myself the sense of urgency is not real Ozzy triggered it, I think Or the economy? Sunrise is in Germany, my sister's in Canada, my friends are in the States or the UK or Europe Ozzy is an Aussie I'm very confused by his song and film recommendations I'm confused in general... My cousin has 6 different side hustles He'd be a great mafioso if he didn't have a conscience His brother's in Sweden, he's more introverted I don't know When I weigh things out, it's not so clear Birds, garden, family, properly seasoned food, passive income from my savings--it's tiny and isn't offsetting inflation but it's still fantastic It would be nice to wear shorts outside, and see a drag show. I love just staring at huge trees for free. And the dignity and the 'good morning'-s and doing paperwork without cold sweating because of my Arabic I laughed when I went to the DMV -- cute :) this is a long wait, eh? Indoors, with air conditioning and personal space and ticket numbers--yep, brutal It took 7 hours to renew my license here, waited outside for most of it and squished into the human can of sardines periodically to hear the person screaming out names so I wouldn't miss my turn --and that's WITH the standard bribery I'm relatively well off but I'm not "usher manservant into private back office" well off I don't know I don't really want to go hiking and get invited to 'friendsgiving' I don't want to worry about health insurance and babies with guns I don't want to worry about my family Ozzy said he wished I was there like he was on a lifeboat and I was on the Titanic Which was cheery I think it's a different situation for me He'll think I'm playing violin on the deck if I say that Anyway, I learned my lesson in California And although I don't regret it, I'm not exactly eager to gamble again I'm fun when I'm passively suicidal and people love those stories But I don't want to grow like that anymore No more deep ends |