Pipsqueaks and self speak The pound is in a death spiral Which is upsetting for everyone It's a privilege if it's just upsetting Local brands are having a moment, I think that's healthier Also I realised I've been worried for my siblings who have more money than me. Like a lot more money than me. They have more problems than me And seem to neeeed more money than me So "harmony-oriented" Sarah didn't see anything problematic in helping Doing taxes, finding deals on deodorant, adjusting my sleep to hours that work for them, wording government emails, getting and making their special snacks (we're all in our 30s) I felt like I had to pay for my contentment-- the one who isn't struggling is the one who helps That's the world I want to live in But the death spiral woke me up Because apparently their losses mean more than my loss-- my account is smaller so what should I care Telling someone that the way they live is your nightmare while simultaneously asking for their help was jarring enough to shatter my rose colored glasses You would never get off brand? You could never live in Egypt? Cool cool cool I don't want to list This is what I did, this is what they didn't do My sister has legitimate struggles And my brother has never had therapy so other than wrestling with golden child issues, God knows what's going on in there But you know what I didn't fall into contentment Besides the fact that my body has attacked me once a month for a week since I was 12 I was the oldest, I got the worst beatings Nobody steered me clear of the pedos And they both admit that my parents went easier on them because they didn't want a repeat of runaway Sarah After becoming a teacher and after mama died, I fossilised into this pleasant cardigans and cats NPC aunt lady in their world I get and pay for my therapy and have done so for many many years I dont often need anything from the pipsqueaks But heaven forbid I do, the pomp, the faffing, the negotiation, the labored sighing And I'm expected to just take it on the chin On the other hand any shadow of distaste in my tone or on my face deeply wounds them I took that as their subconscious value of me as a semi parent figure I'm not even that much older They're both taller than me and have been taller than me for a long time I can't be a parent, more specifically I can't fix our shitty childhoods This is the hardest one to face Seeing the pattern with friends and partners was uncomfy But knowing I can't save my siblings from our past breaks my heart ... SARAH. Look at their bank accounts. Now look at yours. -- Yeah... but they burn through it pretty fast? Look at their instas, what is that? -- Parties Just the one? --...couple Aaand what did you post? --A picture of a cat. Another cat, 5 months ago. --But he was a fat good boy Nobody's debating the fatness or goodness of the clearly magnificent cat Sarah --I knoooow DO YOU KNOW --I DOOOO GOOD --What's your name, are you new? Not new, my name is "YouCanManspreadToo" and I usually communicate through trauma haircuts --You mean you were the...? The mullet, the bangs and the blonde, yes --Oh wow. Well thanks for checking in this way, you know Sure. I mean it's mostly because Gen Z will celebrate all hair and I'm out of options but sure. --Did you see the new garden cats? They're way too fluffy to be strays --That's what I said! I'm you dude. --Right, right... Good chat And what are you doing next time they ask for something? --Take space, delegate, don't let dad triangulate We were * * that close to a buzz cut. --...bless Gen Z |