Knowing better I used to say 'knowing better doesn't mean feeling better' a lot It doesn't mean doing better either There are two kinds of knowing-- awareness and understanding Awareness is great for conversation And writing essays for gender and literature class It's not so useful when someone you like and respect, or even love, forgets that you're a person It doesn't help when you try to insist that you're a person and they find this offensive Everything you've heard and read doesn't magically click into place when you're heartbroken and humiliated and afraid And you hate yourself because you know better, you should rationalize it away because you're aware But it doesn't go away and you don't understand. They're aware too, and they're offended They have the rhetoric down They're aware that you've been hurt They've signed petitions They listened and they comforted you They didn't and couldn't hurt you like that other person They hate that other person, how dare you compare this small thing with that You said yes before Don't you love them? They're aware but they don't understand They don't understand how you aren't over it if you can flirt and laugh They don't understand how you can be scared if you can date and have sex They don't understand how you were raped if you can talk back now Most of all, they don't understand that you don't understand either, and that's okay Somehow you didn't die And you should know that you don't have to apologize for it |