over under and everything in between all the time I don't know what to make of anything --You know you have great lips Well no not until a few months ago when someone said exactly the same thing in exactly the same way--and I still think believing it would be unforgivable narcissism And I can't begin to explain how creepy it is to hear what should just be a compliment Nothing's slowing down I remember she said I should embrace the maddening tick tock It's terrifying And I don't want to hurt anybody again And I don't want to be hurt again I don't want to disappear into a cave but I don't want to start anything for the wrong reasons And I wonder if I really have a choice I love reading what the girls write I love the unjustifiable trust they have in me I want to apologize for things I don't regret I want to find stillness without fighting the tick tock I turned down a ghost writing job They offered it after I finished the skeleton of the book and it feels like a kind vote of confidence from the universe It's almost surreal taking down notes like "ya we7sha, kony ne5sha" (ugly girl, be funny) It was humbling to discover how much cultural history I never soaked in As A would say: I'm whelmed So very whelmed |