what I learned from Asia (and my girlfriends) (no booze or ice cream was involved in the making of this recovery) I cried. I slept in K's bed and cried some more. We ate pseudo Chinese food and engaged in chopstick therapy. As usual, K made me laugh at myself and at all the little things I was ignoring for my misery I probably scared her when I left her house. But I kept at it. Went to yoga with S, met G from college (still gorgeous and not as much into shrimp philosophy) Met the coolest Indian yoga instructor in the world who made my head settle into my body and my arms realize they are in fact two slabs of chicken fat And I've come away with this: --whether I like it or not, the world keeps turning and I'm not suicidal --I didn't slide, I let myself slide. I gave up control, that was a choice and a huge burden to put on anyone. --I'm the one in transition. I'm the one figuring out the balance between an independent life and being there for my family and I didn't make that clear to myself. I put everything on pause. --I chose not to adopt my own point of view and look at the world from his perspective. Empathy is one thing but choosing to self censor was unfair to him (and to me). --I was afraid to be honest. One little lie makes one giant wall. --I had no terms and when I did, I didn't stick to them --I was selfishly passive (yes, not only is it possible, I am as it turns out, the queen of selfishly passive)
S says women process grief faster. I think I'll have made my peace by then. I'm already on that road.
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