how am I? I get this pain in my upper right back when I feel awful and eat awful and refuse to move. Nobody remembers me, which is particularly sobering because they seem to like me better now. My best friend envies me for all the cheap flattery and I envy her for everything else. We're honest about it with each other, but she doesn't see what I mean. My sister's reassessing. And slowly burning down what she knew before. I'm trying to be supportive without singeing my eyebrows. I think I may have singed my eyebrows. A little. I keep minimizing things and brushing them away and laughing them off. And the new people I'm afraid to call friends encourage this-- actually they seem to think I don't do it enough. No. They aren't friends. My brother's so affectionate. It makes me sad. I'm not sure why. I'm afraid he'll turn into a doormat. My parents are tired-- but I think in a way, this drama keeps them busy. I fantasize a lot. And I think I could write a song, if I really wanted. I've been drawing instead-- drawing's more fluid for me. When I need music I wing it with my brother. I wing it in general. I don't think I'm so different really. I'm just better at improvising now. |